And we're live in 3...2...
Hello? Let's try that again, people.
And we're live in 3...2....
WARNING: The following program may contain material inappropriate for some viewers who are just big old sticks in the mud.
It also may contain nudity.
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Welcome to the Wednesday edition of LOCAL MATTERS. It's July 14, 2010.
We're coming at you live and in color from the historic Palladium Ballroom in downtown Asheville, North Carolina.
Looks like another warm day out there. Here's our weatherman, Pete Fitzpatrick. Pete?
We are experiencing...nevermind
Let me do the weather. It's 69° under clear skies this morning and the relative humidity is 94%. There's a 20% chance of precipitation.
The heat will apparently stay with us for the next few days, with highs expected to reach 90° by the end of the week. Yikes!
Yikes is right, Veronica!
Well Sam, today is Bastille Day, which commemorates the storming of the famous French prison by the scum of Paris society.
Ze start of ze French Révolution! Vive la Révolution! Oui oui!
Let's go to live now to Paris to get a little historical perspective on the French Revolution. Orson?
Thank you for that informative report, Orson. I wonder what those crazy Ashevilleans will have in store for today?
I don't know, Veronica, but today in 1868, the tape measure was patented by Alvin J. Fellows. And today in 1891, the corkboard was patented.
Like no one would have thought of those things.
Today is the birthday of the brilliant British comedian Terry-Thomas. He would be 99 if we wasn't dead.
Here he is in an old commercial for BP. Jolly good!
It's also the birthday of folk singer Woody Guthrie, 38th president Gerald Ford, and former football star Rosey Grier. He's 78.
And today, the Reverend Franklin Graham celebrates his 58th birthday.
A fun fact: our own Carl Mumpower is a childhood friend of Franklin Graham.
And now, to what passes around here for the news.
Today, the print edition of the Mountain Xpress hits the streets. They're in those goofy purple boxes you see everywhere around town.
If you're too lazy to leave your house and pick one up, it's available in a handy-dandy electronic version here: http://bit.ly/ckZr28
And if you're so lazy that you can't even be bothered to do that, don't worry your pretty little heads!
We'll just give it all to you right here. No bothersome page turning or mouse clicking.
You can use your hands to smoke or drink coffee or whatever while we dance like an organ grinder monkey for your amusement.
Because here at Mountain Xpress and LOCAL MATTERS, we don't just report on the future, we ARE the future!
Thank you for that, Veronica.
In our cover story this week, ilana Mignon and her husband Filet have a rare report on John Payne's dinosaurs: http://bit.ly/diEa15
Senior reporter and tequila afficionado @DavidForbes reports the latest on the CTS mess: http://bit.ly/a9Oxyy
Our own @JakeFrankel goes round & round with a dizzying report on the city's latest multimodal efforts: http://bit.ly/d7cDsQ
Looks like Tweetdeck is having some problems. But as ever, we shall soldier on!
We have a picture of Rachel Reeser and Steven Slack in their bathing suits here: http://bit.ly/ccFqQy
And @JakeFrankel has written something about Congressman Shuler and nuclear waste to go along with it: http://bit.ly/ccFqQy
What sort of name is Sandy Mush? Those people couldn't have thought of anything else?
The radiant Aiyanna Sezak-Blatt reports on the annual Firefly Gathering: http://bit.ly/a8O571 Give us air conditioning & teevee any day.
In fact, if Asheville had a beer and cigarette delivery service, we'd never leave our house.
Brent Martin's Green Scene commentary this week talks about America’s Great Outdoors listening session: http://bit.ly/d1mYAN
Fashionista @alli_marshall has a report on the PUSH Asheville Fashion show: http://bit.ly/dnE1QH
And there is a hot picture of some chick in a bikini made of hip replacements.
Correction: the bikini was made BY Hip Replacements — a clothing store here in Asheville.
Our own food maven and prolific woman-about-town @mackensy tells you how it Yurts So Good. http://bit.ly/cJEyIk Oh baby!
The very hoppy @Bregasm talks beer: http://bit.ly/cUfAdF
The very hoppy @Brewgasm talks beer: http://bit.ly/cUfAdF
Sorry about that. We've had one too many already in lé celebracion of ze révolucion! fa fa fa!
Claudia Nix (that's a cool name) tells motorists that they need to be more aware of cyclists: http://bit.ly/bBPFf5
We can probably infer from that they ought not to shoot bullets at them either.
Raymond Kinsey has a controversial letter about removing yard sale signs once the damn yard sales are over: http://bit.ly/bVb5Zv
An 8-year old kid has a letter about BP and bike lanes: http://bit.ly/9kiRST Go Gavin! Go Gavin!
Pisgah Legal Service's own Robin Merrell has a piece on Asheville’s lack of affordable housing: http://bit.ly/cvfHEE
Storming the Bastille comes to mind for some reason.
Candler resident Noah Buchanan urges us to fight for our rights: http://bit.ly/b81GNR
Wow, lots of radical stuf in this week's Xpress. It's all very exciting. Is it time for our morning nap yet?
Miles Britten profiles the band Clem Snide: http://bit.ly/cozpbu Isn't that a clever literary reference? Our brain isn't what it used to be.
Multiple Personality Disorder patient @edgymama talks about teenage boys. At least that's what we got out of it: http://bit.ly/cs8Mqj
Speaking of Twilight, The Twilite Broadcasters are profiled by Justin Farrar: http://bit.ly/dsggtO
Becky Upham (who are all these people?) has the line-up of upcoming shows in Asheville: http://bit.ly/d3p6SD
And if you're poor but like to have a good time, @alli_marshall has this weekend on a shoestring: http://bit.ly/deVdSg
Lucia Del Vecchio (that sounds delicious) reviews the show "Wish I Had a Sylvia Plath" http://bit.ly/9ht6MQ
And the very plugged-in and cultured A&E staff talks crafts, feral chihuahuas, and other Smart Bets: http://bit.ly/dA74MJ
That @mackensy, who apparently does nothing but eat and type, has a profile on the most excellent @hopicecream: http://bit.ly/ajWzuj
And MX photog Jonathan Welch has an awesome picture of a Great Dane eating an ice cream cone. http://bit.ly/O1gRW
And even more from @mackensy... some new eateries are springing up around town: http://bit.ly/cclDz3
Ken Hanke reviews "Winters Bone" over at the Fine Arts: http://bit.ly/bCxxAz
Hanke also reviews "I Am Comic" which plays tonight at the Fine Arts: http://bit.ly/ahhPGu
It's part of the "Laugh Your Asheville Off" comedy festival. For a complete line-up, check out their website: http://bit.ly/TAqwK
Mr. Smartypants @DavidForbes stirs up controversy with a blogpost "Bele Chere: boon or burden?" http://bit.ly/dtGHKB
And our A&E editor, @rsulock, brings us the lineup for Moogfest: http://bit.ly/aNMo3K
The @CityofAsheville says that the water supply is good despite the dry weather, which is good because we like to take really long showers.
And that brings us to the top of the hour. Time to change the bandages on the bleeding nubs that are our fingers. We'll be back shortly.
Please enjoy the following video from the 1980's, the decade when we misspent our youth: http://youtu.be/4p4RWBCEFRo
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And we're back with teh Wednesday edition of LOCAL MATTERS, Mountain Xpress's mid-week roundup of the news
In our third hour, we'll be combing through the Twitter to find useful & interesting things to retweet as we've run out of original content
So if you have an event or some news, please hashtag it with #localmatters and we just might retweet it
This is the interactive part of our show. True to our mission, we treat our readers as participants in an ongoing civic dialogue.
That is, when we aren't making fun of them back at the office. Keep those advertising dollars coming!
Summerville, SC considers ban on illegal immigrants: http://dlvr.it/2cptt RT @AshevilleNCNews
A resolution that would have renamed the town "Mumpowerville" failed after white, English-speaking people were unable to spell it.
It looks like the big party @bouchonaville tonight in celebration of Bastille Day is sold out.
When asked what they would do if the hungry scum of Asheville stormed their gates, the proprietors curtly responded "Let them eat cake!"
The folks over @WNCAP are seeking signature artist donations for their "Raise Your Hand" Auction. Submit by 7/15. http://ow.ly/2aR3b
Of course, they'll always take cash. Cash always works. Cash. I'm an excellent driver.
The folks at @MtnBizWorks report that extile artist Sondra Dorn will be in booth 314 at the Carft Show this weekend. http://bit.ly/dtmRvC
Correction: Sandra Dorn is not an "ex-tile" artist, but a textile artist. Whatever that means.
The Chamber just finished their new member orientation for July, reports @avlbizvoice
If you're considering becoming a member, you should know that they usually have an excellent donut and pastry spread
We are taking this opportunity to remind you that you live in Asheville & it is awesome. Now take a deep breath & move along. @josephexists
The @WNCMensa has Team Trivia tonite at 18:30 at Mellow Mushroom http://bit.ly/d6QW46 RT @AshevillePlaces For you stupid people, that's 6:30
The lovely @UliMana reports that today is Peppermint Truffle kind of day. http://bit.ly/cD7b6s This isn't news, but it sure sounds yummy.
Pianoforte tickets for Douglas Weeks's concert this Sunday are going fast, rports RT @AshevilleArt: Call 828.253.3227 http://bit.ly/9dkdks
The Buncombe County Women's Club Dinner is this Thursday at the Governors Western Residence http://bit.ly/bAD7sn reports @BuncombeDems
Unlike the Buncombe County Republican Women's Club Dinner, the Democrats will not feature an early-bird special.
Registration for the fall hockey season will be opening soon. Yes, people we have a hockey team. http://bit.ly/d0b40S RT @ashevillehockey
It looks like the @bmccall17 has changed his avatar yet again & will be Tweeting TEDGlobal, whatever that means. We just like the avatar.
Pubic Service Announcemnt: we encourage you to get spayed or neutered or, if you're up for it, both. Follow @ashevillehumane @BrotherWolfAR
The effervescent @stacey_C_ urges readers to join this group to bring the hilarious @PFTompkins to Asheville! http://bit.ly/b6UUwZ
We are shocked at the number of dirty DMs we are receiving this morning from readers on teh Twitter
Those wacky jokesters over @ashevillecomedy have photos from last night's @AshevilleComedy Festival http://bit.ly/an6kOs
The normally mindful @MindfulKitchen says that Buncombe Free wifi sucks. Where ya been, honey? It hasn't worked in over a year.
@typeamom, who manages to somehow actualy make money Twittering, wants some money from you: http://bit.ly/typeacon
RT @mxcalendar: Dudes & Divas Summer Social 7/15 @Diamond Brand in Arden. Fundraiser for RiverLink. http://bit.ly/r0IFg #avlcal
Asheville's @bryan_robbins observes that all of #TLC's shows are either about little people, cakes, or little people who make cakes...
We have a thing for midgets. And for cakes. But not midget cakes.
Transformus is this weekend. Its former name, PsilocybinFest, was changed so it wouldn't be mistaken for a gathering of drugged-out hippies.
Rafe Hollister Band is playing Saturday night with The Unholy Trio at The Watershed Black Mountain http://bit.ly/aRb4uD RT @rafe_hollister
Read about @tupelohoneycafe plans to help our Children's Organic Garden thrive: http://bit.ly/bho1yh RT @ywcaofavl
What's that? I'm getting something here from the folks in the control booth.
Yes. Yes. Okay. Right-O. Very good. Okay, yes. Really? I'll have one of those Cheerwne-filled donuts. Thanks. Yes. Right. Will do.
WE ARE EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL DIFFIULTIES. PLEAE STAND BY.
And we're back.
The weather outside is quite nice. Very non-offensive.
It's 11:55 — which means it almost Noon. Not morning, not afternoon. Really, it's perhaps the most agreeable hour of the day.
We'd like to thank you for joining us for LOCAL MATTERS, where it's okay to make fun of Republicans...just not anyone else.
Join us this Saturday for LOCAL MATTERS beginning at 8:30. We'll have a special guest on the show. That is, if we still have a job.
Have pleasant day. And beware of mi...
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