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Anne Fitten Glenn | 06/29 | 11:55 AM | 3 Comments

Now that the joy of no school has faded into that perpetual, annoying chorus of “Mom, what are we going to do today?”, I’m searching for entertainment. Preferably the low-cost, expend-lots-of-kid-energy kind of entertainment. Here are a few local options that are fun and free (or relatively inexpensive).

Inside (where the air-conditioning’s free):
• Beaucatcher Cinemas and the new Biltmore Regal Grande offer free kid movies every Tuesday and Wednesday at 10 a.m. You’ll pay $1 at the Carmike

Anne Fitten Glenn | 06/22 | 09:56 AM | 3 Comments

Proposed state budget cuts to our educational system will mean fewer teachers in schools and more students in individual classrooms. I’m all for trimming fat, but our schools are in danger of becoming Jack Sprat. The cuts would take more than a pound of flesh — the process would harm our kids.

Study after study confirms that students in smaller classes are more focused and have fewer behavioral problems than students in larger classes (a recent study in the Journal of Educational Psychology

Anne Fitten Glenn | 06/08 | 03:16 PM | 8 Comments

I often refer to laundry as the Sisyphean stone of parenthood. It’s the number one never-ending chore of parenting. Number two, after laundry, comes grocery shopping.

I don’t remember much about grocery shopping when I was single or coupled but childfree. It was something I did quickly, after work, maybe once or twice a week — not one of the boulders I had to push uphill daily.

Now grocery shopping’s one of the chores I dread the most. Why? Because not a day goes by that I don’t need to

Anne Fitten Glenn | 06/03 | 11:42 AM

Seems like yesterday I was changing diapers, while today I’m explaining the term “suicide bomber.”

The thrilling part, that no one explains to you before you produce offspring, is that it’s a constantly changing challenge. As your kids metamorph, so must your parenting.

At first, parenting is oh so physical. Babies are lousy at taking care of themselves, so it’s up to parents to do everything for them. Once babies evolve into toddlers, the physicality bumps up a notch with the advent of the

Anne Fitten Glenn | 05/25 | 09:50 AM | 4 Comments

“True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country,” wrote Kurt Vonnegut.

I recently walked into a party full of folks I went to high school with and experienced a similar epiphany, though without too much terror.

The party came about when our high school-era garage band, whose members reconnected via Facebook, organized a reunion. The band, comprised of members from two rival high schools and two different classes, succumbed to the

Anne Fitten Glenn | 05/18 | 01:23 PM | 6 Comments

My kids are veggie-challenged, green-phobic, liable to screech annoyingly before letting a sliver of broccoli touch their lips.

The irony of this is that they’re both vegetarians. While I’ve never offered them meat, neither have I kept them away from it. The result is that they don’t much like it, which I figure is better both for their health and that of the earth.

Despite their purported vegetarianism, my kids don’t consume lots of vegetables. In fact, the majority of their caloric needs

Anne Fitten Glenn | 05/04 | 09:58 AM | 96 Comments

What day of the week do chickens hate? Fry-day!

The lowly chicken has been big news around town lately.

For one, the Asheville City Chickens movement pushed through changes to the city’s animal control ordinance governing urban chickens last week at Asheville City Council. Now those of us with houses so close together you can use two paper cups and a string to chat can keep chickens, too. Thanks to the ACC, the minimum distance between a coop and your neighbor’s home has been reduced —

Anne Fitten Glenn | 04/27 | 02:20 PM | 2 Comments

We never forget our best teachers. But do we remember to thank them for what they’ve done for us?

I need a reminder to thank the teachers in my life, as well as to thank those currently teaching my elementary-school-aged kids. Tuesday, May 5, is National Teacher Day, which offers me both reminder and opportunity.

We all have at least a few teachers in our lives that truly changed the way we think — either about ourselves or about the world outside ourselves. And if we have kids, we’re

Anne Fitten Glenn | 04/20 | 10:29 AM | 1 Comment

In honor of Earth Day, I talked to Enviro-spouse about his work on climate change with the Sustainability Institute and how it affects the kids of today and tomorrow.

My questions were: “How do we parent through climate change? How do we prepare our kids for the changes they’ll live through?”

Here’s some of what he said (translated from Geek Speak).

For our kids’ physical health, we need to quickly and steadily reduce fossil-fuel emissions to prevent catastrophic climate change. We’ll need

Anne Fitten Glenn | 04/13 | 10:58 AM | 18 Comments

I’ve been seeing lots of those stick family car stickers around town, mostly on the back windows of mommy vans and stud-daddy SUVs. Driving to and from Charlottesville, Va., last weekend, practically every van I passed contained a traveling family boldly advertising their family/pet configuration on the rear windshield.

What’s the point of these stickers? What are these folks really advertising? How happy their families are? Is it part of a religious movement? Are they saying, “Here’s my

Anne Fitten Glenn | 04/06 | 09:50 AM | 15 Comments

My angel-faced son was not quite 2 years old when the director of his church preschool called to tell me my boy had dropped a wooden block on his foot, then yelled, “S**t!”

While an understandable use of profanity given the situation, his outburst clearly wasn’t appropriate to the setting.

There was no question the boy was imitating Mommy, so I took full responsibility and told the preschool director that I’d work on curbing my vulgar tendencies. Luckily, the preschool director had a sense

Anne Fitten Glenn | 04/01 | 09:03 AM | 10 Comments

Big news here in Edgy land. This is my final Edgy Mama column. I’m traveling a new career path, one that other Ashevillians have taken, though I’ll be the first female to dip my big toe into the vat o’ hops.

Yes, I’m going to open another brewery in Asheville-number 6 or 7, depending on when certain in-the-works breweries put the barley to the pedal.

Why another brewery?  Because I’m a craft beer addict with nothing better to do than quaff brewskis and watch my waistline expand to Rush

Anne Fitten Glenn | 03/23 | 02:35 PM | 6 Comments

My girl and her best buddy are taking a spy class together. Yes, a number of Asheville parents are paying for their kids to learn how to spy.

The way our kids do it, spying involves them sneaking quietly around the house and spending hours writing notes to each other in secret code-pretty healthy entertainment, overall. A couple of times I’ve come around a corner only to shriek in surprise after running smack into a half-hidden kid. Hearing the floorboards creak behind me as I’m trying to

Anne Fitten Glenn | 03/16 | 11:31 AM | 4 Comments

I’m all about low-key, low-cost birthday parties. I’ve thrown some for my kids that have cost next to nothing, and a few that inexplicably went over budget. (OK, maybe not inexplicably. Buying cupcakes and pizza for 30 kids and supplying beer to parents so they won’t leave their spawn and run can add up).

As birthday season approaches (lots of spring and summer births), here are a few recessionary ideas for throwing fun — but cheap — par-tays for your kidlings:

• Don’t buy invitations. Most

Anne Fitten Glenn | 03/09 | 12:18 PM | 3 Comments

“I’m not going to clean up my room unless you help me,” says the boy.

“Do NOT give your mother ultimatums,” I say.

“But Mom, I don’t have any old tomatoes,” he replies.

Experts say that chores help kids learn responsibility and build self-esteem. That’s great, but I need more non-negotiable child labor around here.

We’ve tried a variety of ways to implement chores, from tying them to allowance to making chore charts to telling the kids that this is what you do when you’re part of a family,

Anne Fitten Glenn | 03/02 | 05:07 PM | 3 Comments

I’m writing this column at home, while my girl sleeps after a long night of vomiting.

She may have picked up one of the myriad tummy bugs currently bouncing around her school. Or I may have fed my child a tainted peanut.

At least that’s what occurred to me at 2 a.m. as I was cleaning the toilet for the third time in two hours. See, yesterday she wanted to make trail mix, so I bought the proper ingredients, we mixed it up, and she ate a bowlful (the boy’s in an anti-peanut phase, and I won’t

Anne Fitten Glenn | 02/25 | 01:00 AM | 16 Comments

Between my two kids, I breast-fed for a total of about 3 1/2 years. Yes, I spent that many years exposing my boobs in a variety of places to feed my kids, who never took a bottle and went straight from breast-feeding to drinking from a sippy cup.

I finished nursing my youngest almost five years ago but have fond memories of those years. For one, it’s a heckuva a lot easier to lift your shirt than to cook dinner for a family. Some days, I wish my kids were still so easy to feed.

As all of you

Anne Fitten Glenn | 02/23 | 05:26 PM | 1 Comment

Here’s a video preview of this week’s Edgy Mama column.

Anne Fitten Glenn | 02/18 | 02:00 AM | 4 Comments

If you’re one of the 150 million people on Facebook, you’ve been tagged, probably several times, over the past few weeks and asked to reveal “25 random things” about yourself.

The idea is that people write 25 facts, habits or goals about themselves, then designate 25 other people to do the same.

As always, I’m surprised by how much revealing stuff people throw out into the digital world, even to their supposed “friends.” And they don’t even get paid to tell embarrassing anecdotes and

Anne Fitten Glenn | 02/11 | 02:00 AM

I’m fairly crafty and enjoy big, messy kid art projects (in someone else’s house). However, for that craftiest of kid holidays, Valentine’s Day, I asked local kids’ craft expert Jean Van’t Hul for ideas.

Jean’s an edgy mama of a 3-year-old girl I found through her rocking blog, http://www.artfulparent.wordpress.com. She ran a toddler art group for two years, though she’s currently taking a break from that. She’s also had articles about kid art published in Mothering and Parenting

Anne Fitten Glenn | 02/04 | 02:00 AM | 4 Comments

When my kids told me they were writing letters to President Obama during the week of the inauguration, I was intrigued. I don’t know if it’s just Asheville or this time in history, but it seems that the youngest of us have been more focused on this election and its outcome than on any other in my memory. So I wanted to see what kids, at least this small slice of students, are concerned about, hoping for and asking of our new president.

Here are excerpts from some of the letters written by

Anne Fitten Glenn | 02/02 | 09:51 PM

Here’s a video sneak preview of this week’s Edgy Mama column.

Anne Fitten Glenn | 01/28 | 02:00 AM | 8 Comments

I admit it. I have a cougar crush on Troy Bolton. Yes, on the romantic athlete-slash-theater geek character in the three High School Musical movies (a cougar, for those of you who don’t know, is a woman of a certain age who goes for much younger men. I’m not really a cougar, I just have a cougar-ish crush. By the way, you shouldn’t Google “cougar” at work).

It’s kind of gross, isn’t it? I’m becoming a dirty old lass. But let’s get this straight, it’s not the actor, Zac Efron, I fantasize

Anne Fitten Glenn | 01/21 | 02:00 AM | 2 Comments

How many times a day do you say, or in my case, yell: “Go wash your hands!”

If you’re an elementary school teacher, probably 500 times daily. If you’re a parent of smallish children, at least 200 times.

I’m exaggerating, but if you’re not telling your kids to wash their freakin’ hands all the freakin’ time, you should be.

Because local infectious disease expert Dr. James Whitehouse, says: “Hand washing with plain soap and water, particularly after using the bathroom and before eating, is a

Anne Fitten Glenn | 01/19 | 05:12 PM | 1 Comment

Here’s a video preview of this week’s Edgy Mama column. You’ll find it in print and online on Wednesday.

Anne Fitten Glenn | 01/14 | 02:00 AM | 1 Comment

My 10-year-old girl wants to understand where she “comes from.” We’ve covered the basic biology lesson of how babies are made, which she finds both fascinating and disgusting. Lately, she’s more interested in family history, genealogy and inherited character traits.

She’s particularly intrigued with the origins of her interests and abilities. The other day she asked me and Enviro-spouse to help figure her out.

Girl: “Where does the sports fan in me come from?”

E-spouse: “Me and my

Anne Fitten Glenn | 01/12 | 04:42 PM | 4 Comments

My 10-year-old wants to know where certain of her personality traits and characteristics come from. This week’s Edgy Mama column arose from conversations with her about heredity and genealogy. I had some technical difficulties with the audio on my introduction, but here’s a short clip of me reading a paragraph from the column, which goes to show where the feisty comes from.

Anne Fitten Glenn | 01/07 | 12:37 PM

Since it’s time to look back at the past year, and because we Americans love making lists, I offer you my list of memorable moms of 2008.

Some of these women made my list because of things they did; others because of things that happened to them. The women on my list are not necessarily here because I agree with who they are or what they stand for, but they’re all moms, and they’re all memorable and admirable in some way.

So these are the American mothers I think of when I think of 2008. In

Anne Fitten Glenn | 01/05 | 05:52 PM

Here’s a video preview of this week’s Edgy Mama column. You’ll find it in Wednesday’s newspaper, and online here at http://www.mountainx.com. Click here for past columns.

Anne Fitten Glenn | 12/31 | 01:10 PM | 4 Comments

Dear 2009,

Welcome! Once again, I’m thrilled to be greeting another year because I am, against death-defying odds, still here. And yet, dear 2009, could you try to be a better year than 2008? Please?

I wrote a sweet missive to 2008 around this time last year, but neither sweetness nor good intentions made much difference to 2008. She turned out to be a difficult, depressing diva, and I’m looking forward to kicking her heiney to the curb on Dec. 31.

Despite the economic recession, high

Anne Fitten Glenn | 12/29 | 06:11 PM | 4 Comments

Here’s a video preview of this week’s Edgy Mama column. You’ll find it in Wednesday’s newspaper, and online here at http://www.mountainx.com.

Anne Fitten Glenn | 12/22 | 01:13 PM | 5 Comments

I often let my kids read my columns before they go to press. Last week, my 10-year-old girl was inspired by my Don’t Piss off the Elves column. She spent several hours writing her own Elf newspaper, explaining what makes elves special.

She proudly took her four-page opus to school the next day to turn in as her writing homework. Unfortunately, she borrowed my headline and was told that “piss off” isn’t appropriate written language for school. Understandable. But guess what? It’s OK here at

Anne Fitten Glenn | 12/15 | 11:05 AM | 7 Comments

Last year, I wrote about my family’s tradition of the holiday elf, who magically appears at our home around the same time as my post-Thanksgiving beer bulge. The elf’s job is to report directly to Santa about my kids’ behavior and misbehavior. While some folks think the jolly old elf intuitively knows who’s been naughty or nice, my family believes his elf spies are the true reporters of naughtiness and niceness.

Of course, most children are equal parts naughty and nice, like most people. But

Anne Fitten Glenn | 12/08 | 12:57 PM | 3 Comments

If someone asked me what Asheville’s mantra is, I’d say, “Buy local.” It’s one of the many things I love about this town—the tremendous support for local businesses and locally made products. It isn’t always the easiest mantra to live by, but I think it’s worth the time to search out the unique and special goods and services produced in our community.

Recently, I’ve been looking for locally made gifts for kids for the fast-approaching holidays, and I want to share my finds with you. I’m sure

Anne Fitten Glenn | 12/01 | 09:56 AM | 11 Comments

While we’re on the subject of toys, it’s that time of year again. Not just the holidays, but the dreaded pre-holiday toy clean-out.

Many parents take this annual opportunity to help their kids clear out toys they haven’t played with and no longer want — to make way for the new (and we hope, fewer) toys that will arrive with the holidays. Whether you celebrate Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa or the solstice, there’s probably gift-giving involved. And if you have children, the good and bad news is

Anne Fitten Glenn | 11/24 | 10:45 AM | 5 Comments

You know what I’m talking about — the playthings your grandparents, child-free friends or your brother (payback is hell) give your children with no thought to the impact on parents. You know — the toys you hate and your kids absolutely love.

Example: Tickle Me Elmo. Sesame Street executives admitted that when they approved Elmo’s voice, they knew, deep in their dark hearts, they’d found the one voice most likely to appeal to toddlers and the voice most likely to make anyone over age 4 stick

Anne Fitten Glenn | 11/17 | 11:41 AM | 5 Comments

When I realized that President-elect Barack Obama would be moving into the White House with children the same age as my young’uns (10 and 7), my palms got sweaty and butterflies fluttered wildly in my gut.

That’s because my two are accidents waiting to happen. Especially my 7-year-old boy, who has never met an appliance he didn’t want to take apart or a fine piece of china not worth trying out as a Frisbee. He has a black eye at the moment from, he says, “getting in a fight with the concrete

Anne Fitten Glenn | 11/10 | 11:42 AM | 1 Comment

I hardly felt the needle pierce my skin. I was distracted by my daughter, who shut her eyes tight as a needle pricked her thin arm and by my son, who stood crying beside me. He knew he was next in line for the flu shot.

I didn’t know it then, but I could’ve bypassed the needle trauma. The nurses could have given the boy, at least, the nasal flu mist. I would’ve had to pay extra for that, of course, and the flu shot is pretty mild in the world of shots, thus reinforcing for him that it really

Anne Fitten Glenn | 11/03 | 12:08 PM | 4 Comments

I love taking my kids to vote with me. It’s the time in my life when I feel most American — when I’m a small but possibly significant cog in the slow-turning wheel of democracy. And I want to share that feeling of historic significance with my kids.

These days, my kids get to vote, too. Their votes don’t count, of course, but it’s always good to start practicing early (some things, at least). Think of it this way — this may be the only time you get to choose who your kids vote for.

Anne Fitten Glenn | 10/27 | 01:25 PM | 2 Comments

I remember when I got to decide what the kids wore on Halloween — when I could plop my chunky baby boy into a bumblebee costume or tape an angel’s halo on the bald head of my baby girl. Of course, the costumes rarely outlasted the photo session, but so what? Babies don’t care about costumes or Halloween. They just want to be comfortable and are probably completely flummoxed by us silly adults who want to dress them up and flash blinding lights in their eyes.

Unfortunately, the time of

Anne Fitten Glenn | 10/20 | 12:05 PM

I’m now the veteran of a number of parties at which extra kidlings spent the night not sleeping in my home. OK, I’m exaggerating. They did sleep. Some. I’m the one who barely slept. Taking care of my own children is scary enough. Throw more into the mix, and I go on high alert.

Here are a few lessons I learned from my kids’ sleep-over birthday parties:

1. Make the cake ahead of time. Letting four kids “help” in the kitchen only results in disaster. The only time I was dumb enough to do this,

Anne Fitten Glenn | 10/13 | 11:40 AM | 6 Comments

Remember the days when your alarm clock woke you at 7 a.m.? When you rolled out of bed, took a hot shower, and read the newspaper while savoring that first cup of coffee? When you arrived at work on time, your hair brushed, leaving only a few dirty dishes behind in your otherwise spotless kitchen?

I remember those days. Then I remember this morning. If, like me, you’re blessed with school-age children, your morning was probably a lot like mine, if not in the details, at least in the general

Anne Fitten Glenn | 10/06 | 11:26 AM | 7 Comments

“You guys realize that we’re trying to save money and stuff is getting more and more expensive, so you won’t be getting as many presents for Christmas this year,” I say to my two offspring.

“I understand, Mom. Gas is really expensive,” says my 10-year-old girl.

“WHAT?” yells my 7-year-old boy. He gives me his best “you’re effing kidding me, right?” look.

“Like, how many presents will I get?” he asks.

Enviro-spouse and I concur that, given the current financial crisis and everyone’s need

Anne Fitten Glenn | 09/29 | 10:19 AM | 6 Comments

These are crazy times—renowned financial firms are going belly-up, real-estate values are plunging, a conservative woman from nowhere is poised to become vice president, and here in Asheville, we’re in the middle of the great gas panic of 2008.

I realize that panic creates panic, and I’m not buying into the gasoline panic. Yet. But I have found myself feeling generally unnerved and upset by all this crazy stuff going on in the world. And I’m worried, mostly for my kids.

As I write this,

Anne Fitten Glenn | 09/22 | 10:52 AM | 8 Comments

I’ve learned recently that, while many readers of this column already have offspring, quite a few of you don’t.

You kid-free readers seem to fall into one of the following categories: One, you’re considering having a baby and looking for information; two, you’re thrilled every time you read this column that you’ve decided not yet to delve into the dark underworld of child-rearing; or three, you’re somewhere in between, depending on the weather.

For those of you who are hoping for a baby,

Anne Fitten Glenn | 09/15 | 09:56 AM | 11 Comments

OK, I don’t really need a new baby, at least not of the human variety. I think I’m done with that—at least until I hit menopause and begin craving grandchildren. Right now, what I need is a new baby creature, preferably of the furry variety, to cuddle and nurture.

Enviro-spouse estimates that I’ve brought a new baby into our home—kitten, puppy or human—every three years on average. In truth, the time between new babies is decreasing. My puppy’s only 18 months old, and already I’m feeling the

Anne Fitten Glenn | 09/08 | 10:43 AM | 82 Comments

Now that John McCain has chosen an edgy mama to be his running mate, I have to ask: Why not me?

Sarah Palin and I are similar in some ways. We’re both 44-year-old moms. We both have journalism degrees. We both wear smart-girl glasses. Though I’m not a former beauty queen like Palin, I’m decent-looking. As we all know, being easy on the eyes smoothes the path to the White House.

And she’s not a whole lot more qualified than I am to be second in command of the free world. Yes, Palin was mayor

Anne Fitten Glenn | 09/01 | 10:00 AM | 3 Comments

The edgy mama organizers of this year’s Lexington Avenue Arts and Fun Festival have ramped up activities for the kidlings at the funky street fest.

In past years, the center of the action has been painting a donated old car that’s raffled off after being coated with many colors and studded with plastic figurines. There will be an art car again this year, although LAAFF organizer Kitty Love notes that children working on the art car will be more closely supervised than in the past.

“Every

Anne Fitten Glenn | 08/25 | 11:31 AM | 3 Comments

Note: One year ago this week, I wrote my first Edgy Mama column for Mountain Xpress. The first few columns were published only online—giving me a chance to develop my style and Xpress editors a chance to make sure they liked it. Since this first column never saw print, we decided to publish it here this week. (And yes, I wore a party dress last year to take my kids to the first day of school).

Last week, I became a Stage One Empty Nester. My boy started “big” school, while my girl entered

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