posnideus - 02 August 2008 06:07 PM
There can be plenty of painful consequences in life, I see no reason why the home should be any different of a learning place. And most the kids I grew up with who were definitely out of control, and often violent, were the kids whose parents didnt discipline in any kind of consistent way.
There ought not be painful consequences at home. Studies generally show that the more violent and abusive parents are the more likely the child will exhibit aggressive behavior. Firmness and consistency are quite effective at establishing boundaries. The message you send when striking a child is first and foremast, I’m bigger and stronger than you so I can do this.
When I first started teaching it was during an era when the teacher was held in loco parentis. I was teaching a bunch of roughneck juvenile delinquents. On occasion many of the male teachers used physical force, typically a good slap to head or cheek. It was effective with kids like that many of whom knew nothing other than physical force. I later came to realize I was being rather selective with my smacks. Then it dawned on me, “hey, you’re whacking only kids you think you can over power” end of technique.
Years later, after 19 teaching in public schools, I had occasion to return to institutional teaching where it was now illegal to strike the kids. We were taught special restraint techniques when needed but the kids were so big I was literally incapable of applying the lessons, rarely had to.
The fact is, these big tough street kids were pretty much under control using incentives of one sort or another but firmness, consistency and a sense of fairness where we treated the kids with respect and demanded the same was the rule. Back up plan was a staff member with others available if needed, who WAS big enough to take a kid to the floor. Best job I ever had though I had successfully applied these concepts to public school very successfully as well.
My mom slapped me in the face just once that, I can recall, and the resentment that it brought lasted a very long time. Maybe not, if there is a sense that it was deserved. In my case it was done out of a fear reaction and certainly not justified. Tell you, compared to other families, we have a very close relationship with both our adult children. They both count as among our best friends. I don’t know about you, but I enjoy this sort of relating.
