As the sole liaison between the Almighty *####*** and the common man, I would like to welcome you to the church of piffy. By reading this far, you have already become a member, and shad is currently hacking your harddrive to extract credit card numbers to secure your 12% required tithing.
By being a member, you will get a cool lapel pin, a package of dr scholls, and access to everlasting life after death in the crematorium of your choice. (crematorium fees not included).
As a shamarshan, you also recieve a 10 percent discount at starbucks, and will no longer care about spelling corwrecktly.
I would argue that those who pay retail for big hunting knives are the most likely to fret about small amounts of DNA and oxidation. They want perfection, and that is unavailable for any price.
As my first act as Minister of Information I shall hereby decree every 4th day Piffy Day, a day in which all the Faithful Followers shall attend worship services, except where the 4th day is preceded by a Tuesday, in which case services shall resume at their normally scheduled time.
To help spread the Better Word, I have ordered 40,000 cases of Band-Aids branded with our logo, so that any time someone is injured, they can whip out a Piffy adhesive bandage and make the pain hurt so bad it feels good.
