I was raised a Babtist and have had many conversations with Jesus..Jesus has changed over the years..when I was younger he sounded like James Earl Jones..with out the heavy breathing.. today he sounds more like a mixture of Steve Shanafelt and Kathy Griffin..on a bad day Jesus sounds like Piffy…
As you know we’ve had a rash of freaky gun mishaps ..I felt a need to pray..and with the latest technology it’s so much more convenient..
Here’s a conversation I had with Jesus recently…
Ok so I give Christ a call this morning to straighten this out.. here’s a rough transcription…
He was vacationing on ZORCON with Joseph Smith and L. Ron Hubbard..Osho was buying the drinks..
R: Hey Christ this is..
C: I know who this is!
R:I was calling about the gun thing..
C:What the F#$% you morons still use guns?
R; Well yea.. we keep making bigger and better ones.
C: Jesus Christ !!! I knew I shouldn’t have died on the cross..I told Buddha it was a bad idea..
I should of stuck around and taught you bozo’s some manners..
R: What should we do?
C: What year is it?
R: 2009
C: Man time flies when you’re a deity..Call me back in a 1000 years..you’ll have figured it out by then or you’ll have blown yourself away, either ways good with me…
S&S: @J-Christ Holla, big J! When you coming back? #resurrection
J-Christ: @S&S When the time is right, dawg. Not just my call. @Holy Ghost and @J-HOVA have a say. #resurrection
S&S: @J-Christ But soon? Do that fish & bread thing when you come back. I’m hongry. LOL! #food
J-Christ: @S&S That’s not funny. There are starving people in this world. If you were really my friend, you’d feed them till I got back. #blessed #meek
J-Christ: @S&S Haven’t you learned anything from @travelah? #GOP #RINO
S&S: @J-Christ Oh ... my bad. I was just joking. #repent
J-Christ: @S&S ROTFL! Jus playing, dawg! Forget miracles, I’ll hook you up with a LJS shrimp basket when I get back! L8tr g8tr! #pwned
A Babtist is a kinda Christian who subscribes to a theology and may belong to a sorta church that, among other things, is committed to believer’s babtism (as opposed to infant babtism) and, with respect to church polity, favors the congregational sorta model. The term Babtist can also describe a sorta church, denomination, or other group of individuals made up of individual Babtists.
Babtists are historically characterized by individual and local kinda church autonomy and a disavowal of creeds leading to wide diversity in almost beliefs and practices among individuals and groups who would call themselves sorta like Babtist. While the term Babtist has its origins with the Anabantists, and was sometimes viewed as pejorative, the denomination itself is historically linked to the English Dissenter, Separatist, or Nonconformism movements of the 16th century.[1]
Babtists are known for their lack of reading comprehension and inability to hold their liquor on the weekends..
S&S: @J-Christ Holla, big J! When you coming back? #resurrection
J-Christ: @S&S When the time is right, dawg. Not just my call. @Holy Ghost and @J-HOVA have a say. #resurrection
S&S: @J-Christ But soon? Do that fish & bread thing when you come back. I’m hongry. LOL! #food
J-Christ: @S&S That’s not funny. There are starving people in this world. If you were really my friend, you’d feed them till I got back. #blessed #meek
J-Christ: @S&S Haven’t you learned anything from @travelah? #GOP #RINO
S&S: @J-Christ Oh ... my bad. I was just joking. #repent
J-Christ: @S&S ROTFL! Jus playing, dawg! Forget miracles, I’ll hook you up with a LJS shrimp basket when I get back! L8tr g8tr! #pwned
Holy beat me with an iron rod..you are a master of tweet as well as a intimate friend of the almighty…could ya put a good word in for me and next time you talk to him two words ” MORE NURSES?” Two other words “LESS GUNS”..
Also in your spare time could you post a ” sociological implications of tweet” and what all those letters mean?
S&S: @J-Christ Holla, big J! When you coming back? #resurrection
J-Christ: @S&S When the time is right, dawg. Not just my call. @Holy Ghost and @J-HOVA have a say. #resurrection
S&S: @J-Christ But soon? Do that fish & bread thing when you come back. I’m hongry. LOL! #food
J-Christ: @S&S That’s not funny. There are starving people in this world. If you were really my friend, you’d feed them till I got back. #blessed #meek
J-Christ: @S&S Haven’t you learned anything from @travelah? #GOP #RINO
S&S: @J-Christ Oh ... my bad. I was just joking. #repent
J-Christ: @S&S ROTFL! Jus playing, dawg! Forget miracles, I’ll hook you up with a LJS shrimp basket when I get back! L8tr g8tr! #pwned
Holy beat me with an iron rod..you are a master of tweet as well as a intimate friend of the almighty…could ya put a good word in for me and next time you talk to him two words ” MORE NURSES?” Two other words “LESS GUNS”..
I would never impose on J-Christ’s friendship. Everyone is always asking him for stuff. “Oh, save my dying grandmother, Jesus.” and “Please let me get with that hottie over in accounting, Lord.” I’m not going to play him like that. And he might not bring me that shrimp basket if I start asking for favors.
Also in your spare time could you post a ” sociological implications of tweet” and what all those letters mean?
@NAME = A direct comment to a specific user, which shows up in a special feed on their page as well as the main comment feed. It’s basically a private message anyone can read. So @jasonbugg would show up on his page, whereas just writing jasonbugg wouldn’t. It’s a way of including people in conversations.
#TOPIC = A hash tag is a way of sorting content by specific topic. It allows people to search for all tweets about, say, Asheville news by using the #asheville hash tag.
I would never impose on J-Christ’s friendship. Everyone is always asking him for stuff. “Oh, save my dying grandmother, Jesus.” and “Please let me get with that hottie over in accounting, Lord.” I’m not going to play him like that. And he might not bring me that shrimp basket if I start asking for favors.
Ok you made your shroud, now you’re gonna have to sleep in it..next time you need a favor from Buddha ( he’s a friend of my cousin)..probably won’t happen…
This is a far worse sin than the hilarious nonsense about “babtist,” especially considering the proper construction of the phrase is found not fifteen words before this particular piece of internet language mashing.
This is a far worse sin than the hilarious nonsense about “babtist,” especially considering the proper construction of the phrase is found not fifteen words before this particular piece of internet language mashing.
Are you saying this thread was a catastrophe? Truth be told, I latched on to the misspelling of Baptist and never attempted to read any of the rest of it. My bad. :-(
I had no idea there would be such controversy around this Babtist VS Baptist thing so I called the Jesus to straighten it out…
Ring Ring…My twittering skills are still developing..
J: Christ speaking?
R: Yea JC , was wondering what’s correct Baptist or Babtist?
J: What are those things?
R:One of them isa name for an organized christian religion..
J: What?
R: Yea ya know groups of people get together in a temple and sing and give 10 per cent of their money to the lord ..and they have pot lucks and..
J: What? I never said to do that..I said the kingdom is within…not in some temple..don’t you remember I lived out doors most of my life ...you guys have horrible reading comprehension and besides I never wrote a word ( hint ..hint )
R: So what is it Babtist or Babtist…?
J: Oh Christ, you guys chap my ass..just tell them to forget the name ..sell their buildings on Craigslist..give the money to the poor and roam around in togas .. possessions are the devils work..
Gotta go the the angels are tuning up for choir practice..I got the solo this year..
i think i figured out (part of) your problem, richy. you expect jesus to do something you could do yourself with a dictionary… or a simple google query.
i think i figured out (part of) your problem, richy. you expect jesus to do something you could do yourself with a dictionary… or a simple google query.
My problem Piffy..as you have pointed out is deep and torturous..
I find comfort in the forum and nature, my dog , my cat, my hand full of friends and my TV…and a hand full of Fritos..
One of the secrets to staying alive is finding things you like and doing them with all you’ve got…
I was raised a baptist..and all the guilt and mass confusion that it implies..sorting out the real from the false is a big job for someone who was told to shut up and praise the lord..
I have recently joined the church of Shad..I don’t know what he stands for..but that’s the way I like my deities..
