Directed by: Claudio Fragasso (Zombi 3)
Starring: Michael Stephenson, George Hardy, Margo Prey, Connie McFarland, Robert Ormsby
This Italian horror flick (shot in Utah) marks the film debut of most of its cast. That it also marks the swan song for nearly all of said newcomers is hardly surprising. Even granting that the cast and crew spoke little, if any, English, the acting in Troll 2 (1990) is quite possibly the worst you can ever hope to see. It is also perfectly in keeping with the movie’s inane screenplay. There are movies that are bad. There are movies that are so-bad-they’re-good. And then there’s Troll 2—a movie that’s so bad that it defies comprehension.
The plot centers on the world’s dumbest (and most annoying) family vacationing in some hellhole called Nilbog (spell it backwards) where the militantly vegan populace are really goblins who are bent on turning the humans into vegetation so they can eat them. (Now, I’m not up on my goblinology, but I thought trolls lived under bridges and ate goats.) This all has to do with making the victims eat or drink some concoction that will cause them to ooze chlorophyll (which looks very much like pouring crème de menthe on their heads in actual practice) and ultimately transform them into flora. It’s up to an annoying kid and his dead grandfather (who shows up oftener than Dead Grandpa in a year’s worth of Family Circus comics) to stop them. I suggest heavy drinking (not crème de menthe) for making it through this.
Troll 2 is being shown by TV Eye’s Weird Wednesdays on Wednesday, July 23, at 9:30 p.m. at Asheville Brewing Company on Coxe Avenue.