Ms. Mari, I wonder if the onus you have inadvertently placed on your potential mate to be your Prince Charming may keep the magic from happening.  Your clarion call and expectations may cause the one you seek to avoid you or fail you as he may be aware that he is constantly being assessed.  It’s a tall order to always have what a woman expects of you at the back of your mind, it may keep your ideal from just being himself and you from finding the magic in him as he is—perfect for you but maybe different than you expected. 

I don’t remember if I read it here or on your blog but I agree with you that online dating is not necessarily the way; nuance, visual impact, pheromones, a person’s scent, the tone of voice, posture, style, all these things also hold sway.  Online dating just doesn’t make the grade in that regard.  A lot of people look good on paper but in real life, you find they presented only their ideal self and the person you do finally meet in may be somebody else entirely.  You may discover that they are lousy conversationlists or frequently, terrible listeners! 

I think it is wonderful that you have a baby girl and are determined (a lovely combination!), I don’t think this is neccessarily a threat.  I just hope your determination doesn’t trigger a mechanism that only brings in the rascals hellbent on conquest while scaring away the George Clooneys of the world, so to speak. 

Having said that, you have a really beautiful face and I think because you are armed with certain advantages such as these (nothwithstanding the attributes of a good soul), you will have no problem netting in your fish.  Women have this strange mysterious power to cloud men’s minds, you know.  I just hope you are not too hard on your candidates.

The guy above me totally went to Lilith Fair.

Asking for what you want IS a good thing! 
And, as long as you are asking, would it be O.K. to replace “miserable”(ie;So I know when I get married, it’s going to be forever. I don’t care if it’s miserable.) with joyous, loving, caring, etc.?
Go ahead and ask for it.

Have you tried one of them Russian mail-order services?

You know, Helen and i found each other initially over the internet (not dating service - it was actually the old FreakinAsheville) and a huge part of why we ‘worked’ was knowing and being comfortable with ourselves first. I commend what you’re doing with this exploration because it’s as much exploring externally as internally. 

Men tend to want to ‘fix’ things and i’m sure you’ll have more than your share of guys who want to be the one that fixes you even though you’re not broke. But sure as i found my love, my best friend and soul match the one who is honestly himself and good father and lover is out there - and just maybe reading your blog and amazed with the honesty of your thoughts on the journey!

Oh and great interview questions, Anne!

I didn’t know that’s how you and Helen met, zen.

Thanks for the compliment. Mari was an easy interviewee. The questions seemed obvious.

Not to rain on the love seeker’s parade here, but something seems a bit off kilter. Ms. Ainsworth says she places a higher value in someone being “a good father” over more romantic components (exciting the heart), yet “prefers” someone who is not been divorced nor has children.  So, she’s a single mom, evidently not having been married (or divorced) yet wants someone who hasn’t been married, has no kids but is a “good father,”  even if the marriage ends up being “miserable.”  So the target is not so much finding a husband, but rather a great father with no baggage from a divorce.

Good luck with that.

As the poster above me alluded to, I think it’s hilarious that a chick with baggage wouldn’t be interested in a guy with baggage. I guess when you are 26 and have a baby with a one night stand, you have it all figured out.
Good luck in your search for someone you can put up with that will raise your kid for you.

It actually is possible for love to “just happen” to you!  It happened to me while preparing for the biggest job promotion of my life I ran into a guy friend at a party who was moving across the country. I was hit like a ton of bricks at that moment and realized the idea of going across country with him was way more exciting then a high paying corporate gig!!  We have been together 6 years and have a son in Kindergarten!!  Lots of romance and hand holding as well!!! Jacq

if guys think she’s asking too much, or just needs to relax and have sex, well, they’re obviously the stupid ones.

she only asked for 4 things, and only ‘be a father’ was really intimidating.  i mean, ‘believe in god’, ‘25-35 in age’, and ‘be intelligent’.  that’s a short list.

and sex is great, but that’s not what the lady is asking for.  so why would people email that?  seriously, why?

normally, i only respond when someone says something that sounds so wrong to me.

this time i can’t help but agree with Dionysis.

if you find someone who is a good father, you better take him.  a divorce might not be his fault, simply a bad choice.  A few divorces might be a flag.

I’m a single woman, and I have no interest in being “married off” by all my friends.  I also have no interest in things being handled in an old-fashioned way or being constantly fixed-up to save me from my single life.  And I have to agree with the guys here—you bring a lot of baggage to the dating arena, while expecting someone without any of their own.  You should try finding a positive way to meet men who are on the same page as you—volunteer for a cause you believe in or something constructive like that.  And some of the best guys I know are divorced or single dads, so you are missing out a great part of the guy population by eliminating those options.  It’s good to know what you want, but I don’t see why you think that either of those types of guys make a lasting marriage less possible.  It’s really narrow-minded.

I think that a girl with baggage would be more interesting,..that is ,..if she was working on it, through it , whatever. More stuff for depth and character. From rocks to gold. Besides, don’t we all have baggage? Or do we all have to perfect ourselves before getting in a relationship.

Pathetic..that is all I have to say. She can find a man on some internet dating site today if she wanted to. Most of them would probably not want to marry someone and have an instant family. Finding a man who is committed to you is hard enough these days. Do what everyone else does. Date.

“It is hard in this day and age. You don’t want to meet your husband in the bar.” - in asheville ..that is where you meet men. Plain and simple.

Yet another girl “interviewing for the position of husband”.  What ever happened to falling in love?  With women it is a business decision - who is going to support me and my kid. And they say men are not romantic.  Reason number 645 you should not get married.
If you are going to sleep with a random loser at least use protection.

boy, Jen, you are rough.

she is a pretty young lady and does not NEED to go to a bar. 

from past experience, you usually find what you are looking for when you stop looking so hard.  and that does not mean just your car keys.

‘You know, we’re not helpless little victims falling in love left and right. Lord have mercy. If we really were, the world would be a ridiculous place.’

She’s wrong about love, and the world is a ridiculous place.  And I for one wouldn’t want it any other way.

Her blog and hypocritical criteria make her seem superficial at best, sociopathic at worst.

Romance is dead….. women killed it.

These comments make me think 2 things:
1) ‘everyone’s a critic’...
and,
2) if you wouldn’t say it in person, don’t say it online.

it’s not my place to defend her, and it’s not my place to criticize her either. we all have contradictory wants, feelings, desires, needs even. leave it at that!

if you find someone who is a good father, you better take him.

interesting for me is… not an divorced man, because you have huge issues with divorce…  hmmmmm, not for being mean, BUT, making an baby with an man together IS like being married (somewhat) so, after splitting up with the father, that IS an divorce also and defacto IS in your life.
an little paper does not make this more worse… it may make it nicer in the thinking… but not in reality…

so, the miserable where there, and there where an end, like millions of people have done, but also you (me also) and we are not better just because we did NOT say…yes, i will… in the white dress…

sorry to say that, but be with the reality…smile